but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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