haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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