so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
