at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
