She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
