I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
