Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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