Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
