Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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