what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
