Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
