Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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