I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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