Your tits are I can't wait for
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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