No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I love you. Go after that dick
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
