I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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