Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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