I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
