I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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