he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
