Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize