i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
