Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
