You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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