Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
