Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
