Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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