What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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