The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
