3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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