yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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