Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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