WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
