you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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