I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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