Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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