eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize