My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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