I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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