Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
