so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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