so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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