I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
