were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize