YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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