I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
