Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Two words: nipple clamps
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