Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My feet surprised me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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