Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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