Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
