I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
