if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
