I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
