he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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