I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
