I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
