i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
