He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize