Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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