You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
FUCK WHALES
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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