i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
