3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize