Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
