I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
40s are totally the cure
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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