CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
