Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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