4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
